Grateful doesn’t even begin to cover it. For two years now, I’ve longed to become a mother. It was a silent struggle that I was pretty reserved about.
I know I am not alone in it. So many women struggle with infertility, and though my wait was not as long as others – who may still be fighting it now – it was such a dark time for me. I could see it affecting everything around me, yet I couldn’t pull myself out of it.
But, after seeking out a fertility clinic and not really receiving many answers other than I had a “polycystic presence” aka PCOS – I decided to move on for the time being. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be right now, I thought. Little did I know that about a month later, I would naturally get pregnant.
I didn’t feel different, really. It wasn’t uncommon for me to miss periods, so in a sense, I think I was in denial. I started to realize I was gagging at smells a lot, and that’s when I thought I should take a test.
I went to the store, came back home and took a pregnancy test. I waited and waited until I saw the word “pregnant” pop up on the digital screen. I was in shock and didn’t know what to say when my husband walked through the front door. He saw my face, and I couldn’t speak. I just showed him the test, we hugged and happy tears came running down my face.
I can’t deny there was also a mix of fear, too. Making that first doctor’s appointment was absolutely nerve-wrecking. I remember feeling so anxious that morning, but as I was getting ready, my Bible app alerted me to the verse of the day.
Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense;
he has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2
I took a deep breath and honestly felt God in that moment, letting me know to not be afraid. Fast forward to now – almost 30 weeks along with a healthy baby girl on the way.
As we celebrate Thanksgiving today – I am feeling extra grateful that God saw it fit for me to become a mother. Our hearts are so full, and we can’t wait to welcome our girl into the world in February.
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